During a divorce it is critical for you to take care of yourself. A divorce is emotionally taxing and difficult and paying attention to your needs is essential to getting through the divorce process with some sanity. However, when children are involved in the process taking care of their needs is at least as important as taking care of your own — and often it is more important.
Children have a tendency to blame themselves for the divorce and often believe that they have in some way caused the breakdown in the relationship. As a parent it is essential that we let our children know that they have nothing to do with the divorce.
Here are a few excellent tips to help you guide your children through this tough time:
1. Respect the other parent. This is cannot be overstated. You and your spouse may be ending your relationship for a variety of reasons but your child and that parent are still moving forward with their relationship. Respect your child by not letting your venom for the other parent poison the relationship between that parent and your child.
2. Encourage your children to be just that — children! Divorce is a “grown-up” problem. Yes, this applies even to children in their adult teens. The divorce is between you and your spouse and involves your issues. Don’t let your child get mixed up in those issues. Make sure your child is still involved in all of the activities he or she was before. Normalcy is important.
3. Focus on the future, not the past. Your separation and subsequent divorce mean a lot of change. Don’t let your child dwell on the past and try to determine why his or her family is in the situation. Talk about the future and the new beginnings and the new challenges. Be honest. Focus on the future though, so your child can see that the present will not last forever.
4. Never stop telling them that this isn’t their fault. We all know a child who has gone through a divorce. It seems almost like a cliché now but children really do blame themselves. Remind your children whenever it is appropriate that the current situation is in no way their making.
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